Is adulthood all that it's cracked up to be?

When I was younger the idea of growing up excited me.

When I'm older I can drive a car. When I'm older I can go to work and make my own money. When I'm older nobody can tell me what to do. When I'm older I can date.

Yeah sure, the freedom of being able to drive is great. Everything else? Not as good as I always thought it would be.

The girls at work are nice; but it's so hard to motivate myself to get out of bed every morning at 6 for a job that I'm not in love with, to earn money that I'll spend trying to impress people I don't care about.

No matter how old you are- you will ALWAYS have somebody telling you what to do. Whether it's your boss, a family member or a friend... It never stops. You do have more freedom to say 'no' to people when you're older but generally I do tend to do as I'm told (especially by my boss because I don't fancy getting fired).

Lastly, dating is so much more hassle than it's worth. It's so hard to meet a guy that is all of the following things:

• Single
• Straight
• Attractive
• Kind
• Funny

It's literally like mission impossible. But if you are lucky enough to meet this man then generally there will be something in the way; like distance or an interfering mother. Or if you're me then they turn out to be extremely obsessive and possibly even slightly psychotic *insert double thumbs up here*.

It doesn't completely suck though. 

Of course though, being an adult does have some perks.

Like clubbing for example. Every Friday as I'm driving home I turn on the Radio and a catchy song starts me bobbing in my seat and tapping my steering wheel like a drum making me want to go dancing. Picture a primary school disco only with drunk people and the strong likelihood you'll wake up with a headache and sore feet-not completely remembering your night but knowing it was so much fun.

Being an adult means being independent. You finally don't have to rely on your Mum's permission to go somewhere (only downside is the 'Mum said I can't go' is no longer a viable excuse to swerve that person you don't want to see). 

I'm 20 years old and I haven't got this whole 'adult' thing figured out. My parents are 45 and they haven't got this 'adult' thing figured out. Honestly I don't believe that anybody has it figured out but we drift through doing the best we can. 

If you think you've got it figured out then tell me your secret. I want to know.

Thank you for reading.

Signing off, Lauren 

xoxo

What am I doing with my life?

The truth is... I have no idea.

I'm 20 years old and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I know I want to do something amazing. We only get one ride around on this earth and I want to make an impact. Ok so I know I'm not going to discover something amazing like Benjamin Franklin did with electricity; or touch souls like F. Scott Fitzgerald did with her writing. Even if I just impact the lives of the few people I personally know- that'll be enough. Like Gus writes in TFIOS: "People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely".  


I've always been told that I don't have to figure out what I want to be yet. But I can feel time slipping through my fingers and I am no closer to figuring it out. All I know is I am working in a job that I hate, I'm wishing the weeks away so that I can have the weekend and I am deeply unhappy with the life I'm leading at the moment. I don't even have a circle of friends that I can talk to about it because I'm growing distant with all of them. The majority have gone away to university and have new friends so they're not making any effort with me. 


Why can't I have some crazy talent like singing that makes it obvious of the path I should go down? Why is it so hard? Does anybody else feel like this?


Signing off, Lauren 

xoxo

Do you ever have severe insecure moments?

                                                                                 ((This picture was taken a while ago))

Because today.. I'm having a big one.

There's a woman that I work with. Let's call her Alice, for anonymity purposes. She's made it clear from Day 1 that she doesn't really like me. I've even heard her talk about me when she thinks I can't hear her- and she doesn't say kind things. I can't say anything though because she's a manager and everybody loves her; they think she's the best person in the world. Being the new person they wouldn't take too kindly to me badmouthing their favourite manager. She has a way of looking at me that makes me feel bad about myself. Why doesn't she like me? What did I do? But today I already feel bad about myself and her 'look' is kind of making me loathe myself.

At the weekend I was trying something new with my hair and managed to burn my neck quite badly with my curling iron (stupid I know). Now that means I have to wear this whopping great big bandage on my neck and every single person that talks to me stares at it. Some are too shy to ask what it is but the people that do seem to question my story as if they don't believe me.  Straight away that makes me self-conscious because what else do they think it is? A love bite or something that I'm OTT trying to cover up? But if that's what they think it is then they must think I'm the kind of girl to hookup with random guys at the weekend and that is the total opposite of who I am.

I also, on the same day, had a spot come up the size of Jupiter. I have a relatively clear complexion but when I do get spots they are HUGE- I'm talking Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer huge. This one is on my chin and no matter how hard I try I just can't cover it up. I've watched endless tutorials, bought the right makeup, but no matter what it still shines through it all. Anybody who isn't looking at my neck when they talk to me is looking at my chin and I don't think I've ever felt so insecure about myself.

It probably doesn't help that I have the cold from hell which is preventing me from getting to sleep at night (the black bags under my eyes are unreal). So not only do I have multiple appearance flaws but I don't feel good about myself on the inside.

I can't walk down this insecure road because otherwise it can get me really depressed and I start to question everything in my life and my own happiness. But what can I do?

Everybody gets spots...

This is something I'm going to keep telling myself. A spot that looks like the end of the world to you some others may never notice. A lot of the women I look like are over the age of 30 so they've passed that awkward spotty stage but no doubt the majority of them would've suffered from them at some point. I need to remind myself that a spot is a part of life. It may look bad for a week but there's nothing I can do about it- it shouldn't get me down.

If they don't believe me then that's their problem...

To be honest it's not actually any of their business what happened to my neck. Why should their judgements and opinions impact how I feel about myself? It's easier said than done but I need to ignore their questioning tone and be confident in the fact that I know it's a burn. It doesn't matter what they think. Even if it was a lovebite/hickey- I can live my life the way I want to and no judgemental person can tear me down for it.

Go to bed twenty minutes earlier than normal...

It takes a bit of time to wind down at the end of the day right? I think tonight I'm going to go up earlier than normal and just lay in the dark. If I dose up on my cold and flu medicine right before bed, use vicks and olbas oil to relieve the sniffles then just maybe I could get to sleep at a normal-ish time.

Hopefully making these few changes into my routine and way of thinking then I'll start to feel better about myself and life can get back to the way it was. If you have any stories about feeling insecure or a person that makes you feel bad about yourself please talk to me about it. I'd love to hear from you.

As always, much love to those of you that read my posts.

Signing off, Lauren

xoxo

OTRA: Wed 30 Sept

From booking the tickets all those months ago, way back in 2014, I was still not mentally, physically or emotionally prepared for all that happens when seeing One Direction live.

8:00 am
Up nice and early to prepare myself for one of the best calendar days of 2015. Breakfast comes first which consists of toast and milk. Ready and fueled for a shopping trip.


10:00 am
I don't normally enjoy going to town by myself however that day I was seriously loving it. I realised I didn't have anything to wear for the concert and considering it was pay day I thought I might as well treat myself.


1:00pm
So I must've walked Reading Town Centre about 30 times but still didn't find anything I liked. On the 31st trip round I noticed a pair of black ripped-style jeans from topshop and went for those. It was a nice sunny day so the rips would allow the cool air to my legs and keep me from over heating- also I thought the rips looked cool. I then went for a blank white cami top from Hollister and had a look in mind to pair the outfit with black hi-top converse, a check shirt around the waist and a leather jacket. I know that's very stereotypical of a 1D/5SOS concert go-er but I was running out of time.

3:30 pm
Mum made everybody hotdogs for lunch. We knew we weren't going to be eating again until we got to the O2 so we had to carb load. I had warned my mum that the train was coming at quarter to 4 about 38473874 times. Yet still at half 3 we hadn't even left the house. My stress levels were going through the roof because we still had to get to London Paddington, get to North Greenwich, have dinner AND make it to our seats before Augustana (the opening act) came on.

6:00pm
We finally made it to North Greenwich. Whenever the four of us (my mum, sister, brother and I) come to the O2 we always have a Nandos. It's like tradition. Doors opened at 6:30 but Augustana weren't on until half 7 so we had plenty of time. The food was absolutely gorgeous (always is at a London Nandos) and with that we made our way inside.

7:00pm
The queue to actually get into the arena and past security was ridiculous. So many over-excited girls and I'm not afraid to say that I contributed to the number of them. You can't even imagine the look on my face when I saw the queue for refreshments. By the time we got inside I was 65 years old. Not really - but you get my drift.

7:30pm 
Augustana came on and they're sound was somewhat different to 1D's previous opening act (5SOS). It sounded like Harry had chosen the opening act and it reflected just how much his music interest has been inspired over the past 5 years. I enjoyed their set list. The majority of the songs were slow and emotional however probably wouldn't purchase any of their music to listen to at home.

Waiting between the opening act and the main performance is always the most exciting experience; the way that the crowd do things to entertain themselves like the mexican wave. It was slightly uncoordinated between the two tiers but it was fantastic nonetheless.

That feeling when the lights when down and a medley of all of the songs on FOUR started to play... It was indescribable.  It was like somebody had just plugged the O2 into a socket and it sparked like a firework. The screams were overwhelming and the adrenaline was like no other. Megan (my sister) grabbed my hand as she braced herself for her beloved Harry to come on stage. A backdrop started to rise and there they were. They stepped out onto the top half of the stage as the opening to Clouds came ringing through my ears and the concert was well under way.

My favourite song was Where Do Broken Hearts Go which was the 19th song that they played. The vocals on it were just phenomenal, faultless and the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed.

The 'banter' between the boys was absolutely on point. It was lovely watching Louis make Niall laugh. ANDDDD I got to witness, 5 years later, the "two bananas for a pound, three bananas for a euro" which hit me right in the fetus feels. My mum looked at me really confused when I had tears in my eyes after that. After explaining it to her afterwards and showing her the radio station video she understood.

The only thing I would've changed about the concert ( only if I HAD to because the concert was perfect) would be that I would've been sat front row because being soaked with a water bottle by Harry I would imagine to be the best. thing. ever.

                                                                 ...

After the show we missed the last fast train home and didn't get in until 1:30am. Nobody really cares about post-concert so I kept that bit brief.


If you read that until the end then THANK YOU very much! Lots of love to you guys xx

Signing off, Lauren
xoxo

10 Things to do in Autumn

It's time to wave goodbye to Summer and hello to Autumn. Don't you just love that Autumnal feeling? No? Well here's 10 things you can do to spice up your Autumn:

1. Go for a walk.
Now to most people this probably doesn't seem very fun. It helps if you have a dog that you can take with you as dogs make everything better but either way walks are still 100% relaxing. Not only are they a great form of exercise but the fresh air can really clear a foggy mind. Try your local park, maybe a lake? Whatever you do be careful not to find yourself alone and in a position of danger. Here's a picture from a walk I took at the weekend...


2. Plan your Halloween costume.
If you've got the post-summer blues then you need to give yourself something to look forward to. I love Halloween. Dressing up in costume, hanging with your friends and eating your body weight in sweets? Yes please. You could ask a friend or your s/o to do a partners costume with you and go as Cosmo and Wanda or Ketchup and Mayonnaise or something totally wacky. Whatever it is- have the most fun that you can with it!


3. Have a movie night with the girls.
When the cold weather sets in what could be cosier than 5 of your best friends, duvets, chocolate and your favourite chick flick? Sometimes a late night gossip is just what us girls need; to talk about our crushes or our problems, to cry over The Notebook or laugh with Bridget Jones. Just try not to stay up too late otherwise you will not be feeling relaxed and refreshed the next day.

4. Go to the movies.
Whether its alone, with friends or on a date there are always awesome films out around Autumn time. It's like the season for new releases. So grab your popcorn and get to your local cinema. Just don't forget to take a jumper because some of those movie theaters can get a tad chilly.

5. Attend a sporting event.
Autumn also means the start of many sport calendar seasons. Whether it's your school team or the football team for your town; sports is a great way of spending your evening.

6. Start a diary.
I don't think there is a person alive that at some point hasn't tried to keep some form of journal/diary. Now if your like me then that attempt probably started on the 1st January and ended some time around the 9th. Most people can't find the time to write about their day because they're too busy living it. However it is important to get some 'me time' sometimes and a diary is the perfect way to do it. You see it's not about 'finding the time' it's 'making the time'. Try to go to bed 10 minutes earlier and write a brief outline of your day, how you're feeling or a list of what you want to achieve the next day. Writing is a great way of expressing yourself so write away! Why wait for the new year?

7. Start a new book.
Now that it's not hot enough to spend every minute outside it is finally a good time to start the book you've been putting off starting. If you've got nothing lined up then I recommend the Hamilton series of books by Kody Keplinger (if you're into teenage fiction). If you can't think of a book then go into your local book shop and spend a bit of time finding one you do think you'll like. Getting lost in a story whilst sat by a window with a blanket is most lovely in Autumn so try it out. You might even find a new favourite book.

8. Spend some time with a family member.
'Tis the perfect time of year to go visit that family member you haven't seen in fooooorever! Go see your Grandad, Uncle, Auntie or if you don't have any family in the area then travel to see them. Spend a shopping with your mum or tag along with your Dad to the DIY store or whatever your parents like to do. Any time with family is quality time and you will feel better for it. Trust me.

9. Re-organise your bedroom.
A new layout of your bedroom can leave you feeling like a new person. Even a tidy bedroom can leave you feeling better. A tidy bedroom equals a tidy mind- or so my mum used to tell me. Whether it's moving the furniture around or tidying the way it already is an organised bedroom is bound to beat those summer blues. You could re-organise your wardrobe and put your summer clothes away. Then those shorts you wore every day of summer won't be laughing in your face every time you open the doors. Get those Autumn decorations out; like fairy lights. Fairy lights will brighten up any bedroom and leave a warm glow for the cold nights ahead.

10. Make a scrap book.
A way that I deal with saying goodbye to Summer for another 8 or 9 months is to scrapbook. I print a load of pictures off that I've taken over summer, lay them on the pages so they look pretty and stick them in. You can then get some colourful pens and decorate around them. Add dates, places, names or other mementos that can help you remember details about the events pictured. I also like to collect train tickets or cinema tickets to stick in as well. I still have my actual tickets to see The X Factor Live Tour from 2009.


I hope a few of these suggestions give you some inspiration for things to do this Autumn.

Autumn is the best season for new beginnings so don't let it go to waste.

Thanks for reading :)

Signing off, Lauren xoxo